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This Oppression Scholar Explained The Psychology Of ‘Not All Men,’ And It’s So Articulate That Men In The Comments Are Thanking Her


At some point, you've probably heard the phrase, "not all men" being used as a rebuttal to conversations addressing feminism, misogyny, and sexism. And it can get incredibly frustrating and derail the conversation when you try to explainwhyit's harmful.

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Well, a woman named Evelyn, known as@展望on TikTok, broke down the psychology behind 'not all men' in一段现在很流行的视频. 伊芙琳拥有哈佛大学的两个硕士学位,她在那里研究基于性别的创伤——在她的视频中,她指出了三个来源“并非所有的男人”都来自性别。然后她解释了说这话的人是什么样的人事实上communicating to women — whether they intend to or not.



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Inher TikTok,伊芙琳谈到了以下三个来源:
1) The male "pick me" behavior:她的意思是,“我不是他们中的一员;我是好人之一。”
However, Evelyn says that this mentality is a total delusion, because everyone in a patriarchy (regardless of gender identity) has internalized misogyny and sexism that require unlearning.
2) The need to control women’s voices:Evelyn points out that men who say "not all men" are tone-policing women rather than directing their energy toward men who are actively harming women.
3) The male superiority complex:Evelyn elaborates that a man might understand that other men out there may be "bad," and by saying "not all men," he's trying to communicate that he is not one of them and that he's therefore dependable, because he will protect women from male violence.

Evelyn's video received over 1 million likes and 18 thousand comments — many, perhaps surprisingly, from men who thanked her for educating them and said that they'd stop using the phrase.

Comments by men on the TikTok video read, "Thanks I'll stop saying not me," "Ok Evelyn, I used to say 'not all men' as a way to try and bring comfort to women who seemed upset with men, but now I understand you POV," and "I've got a lot to learn"
@展望/ Viatiktok.com网站


BuzzFeed spoke with Evelyn to break down her, well, breakdown. Ultimately, Evelyn said that the three sources of "not all men" point to a root problem: men’s collective lack of deference to women. "Deference is fear and respect," she expanded, and men have deference to each other. So when men desire and need women but don't have deference to women, they cling to patriarchal ideologies "wherein anything male is superior to everything female."

A screencap from the TikTok with the caption, "This behavior comes from three sources"
@展望/ Viatiktok.com网站



为了更好地定义男性“挑选我”的行为,伊芙琳从有毒的阳刚之气开始:这是一个准则,男人必须“穿”才能被女人想要和需要andother men. She revealed, "Men wearing toxic masculinity really are saying, 'Pick me.'"

@展望/ Viatiktok.com网站



@展望/ Viatiktok.com网站

Evelyn continued, "Toxic masculinity only knows entitlement, dehumanization, and hierarchy of humanity." Dangerously, because these behaviors and norms are taught as desirable, men wear toxic masculinity to belong, to be wanted, and to be needed.

So when a man engages in sexist behaviors — i.e., talking over women, degrading women in locker-room talk, cheating on women — what he is really saying is, "I need to be needed," Evelyn said.

Evelyn began connecting all of these dots when she studied labor as an undergrad at Cornell. She learned that the US and its economy have been built on the backs of women and people of color, leading her to realize that government and religion are primary drivers of oppression. So she went on to earn two master's degrees — one in theological studies and one in public administration — from Harvard. "I studied how religion and public policies throughout time cemented misogyny in the public psyche and our way of everyday life," Evelyn said.

@展望/ Viatiktok.com网站

She elaborated, "When people say 'religion and politics are off the dinner table,' it means that the conversation around female oppression and oppression of people of color only disrupts civilized and peaceful interactions.

"I realized that 'peace' as we know it is the status quo built upon the oppression of people and our silence about it. I thought that was bullshit. So I decided to study oppression in depth, so I can not only talk about it with knowledge but also initiate and lead conversations around it."


A screencap from the TikTok with the caption, "In a patriarchy, everyone has internalized misogyny and sexism"
@展望/ Viatiktok.com网站

As an example, Evelyn pointed to the medical field, where women are systemically判定元件nied accurate diagnoses因为他们的医生认为他们夸大了他们的痛苦。


随后,伊芙琳强调打赌的区别ween an active perpetrator and a passive bystander. She pointed to the use of, "I didn't do anything," to indicate whether one has actively done harm when it should be looked at as an indicator of whether one has intervened. In this vein, "I didn't do anything," becomes, "I didn't do anything to stop the hate I witnessed."

A screencap from the TikTok with the caption, "That's why we all need to unlearn patriarchal ways of behaving"
@展望/ Viatiktok.com网站


Overall, Evelyn hopes those who watch her video stay engaged and find ways to intervene when they witness hate. She began her channel to add to a world that values women for more than their bodies and reach Gen Z, but she's since noticed that many parents watch her videos. "So I think we all want the same thing: that the world be better for the next generation and the next," Evelyn concluded.

To learn more from Evelyn, follow her on TikTok@展望, on Instagram@女性主义者, and on YouTubehere.Check out her websitehere.




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